Collaborative Competition™

Collaborative Competition(TM): A Woman’s Guide to Succeeding by Competing

kcmayer — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 21:06:05 +0000

Collaborative Competition(TM): A Woman’s Guide to Succeeding by Competing
by Kathryn Mayer

I recommend this book (not only because I wrote it!) but I believe that mastering competition is the key to success. I have developed a proprietary leadership model, Collaborative Competition^TM, which harnesses the positive side of competition to promote strategic win-win collaboration. The book provides examples which I have gathered from extensive interviews and experience with women leaders from highly competitive fields. The book shows you how and why to avoid falling into the trap of seeing competition as cutthroat and threatening, and to focus instead on exploring possible synergies and partnerships. While this book is targeted to women, it is also valuable for men as it explores skills that are critical to all successful professionals.

Play to win a FREE giveaway!

kcmayer — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 20:51:09 +0000

I’ve updated my new Facebook page and if you like it, please hit the ”LIKE” button! For those of you that do so and are interested, I am very excited to announce that I will be doing my first giveaway here, where TWO lucky winners will be randomly drawn. Not only could you win this month’s recommended reading book, “Collaborative Competition(TM): A Woman’s Guide to Succeeding by Competing“ for FREE, you will ALSO be getting a PRIVATE complimentary 60-minute career advancement coaching session!

If you’re interested in the giveaway, all you need to do is leave comment on this entry, telling me so.

To get an ADDITIONAL entry, please “LIKE” KCMConsulting on Facebook and post about this giveaway on your Facebook or Twitter. Don’t forget to then leave a SECOND comment on this entry letting me know that you’ve done so. That is important. If you don’t leave a second comment I will only count you ONCE.

The giveaway will be open for a week, until Thursday, April 12th, 11:59pm EST.

Here is the fine print:

The contest is open to everyone.
The winner will be selected by random number generator.
Winner will be notified via email within 48 hours of the end of the giveaway. After I send the winner their notification, you have 72 hours to confirm your email address or another winner will be chosen. I will need to verify that you’ve posted a link on your Facebook page or Twitter as well- details will be in the confirmation email.”

Innovation lessons from a 3 year old!

kcmayer — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 16:42:22 +0000

I never knew that 3 year olds had so much to offer! Recently, I attended a presentation by Frans Johansson, the author of the Medici Effect, a fascinating book about the sources of innovation. The speaker said research shows that our ability to see and find new connections decreases as we get older. It turns out that 3-4 year olds have a 98% chance of generating genius ideas and it goes downhill from there, with 25 year olds having a 2% chance. Where does that leave the rest of us?

Recently, I spent the weekend with my almost 3-year-old nephew, Ted. I watched him with awe. He is quite a sturdy little fellow and flies around my brother’s house like a witch on a broom stick. I was amazed to see that he didn’t have any major bruises or stitches. I watched Ted slam into furniture, cry for 2 minutes, run to his mother for a hug, and then he was zipping around again like nothing happened.

The 3-year old advantage is NOT that they are tenacious but rather that they are NOT bogged down by damaging labels that adults tend to attach to persistent mistakes. We learn as adults that while making mistakes is necessary to learn and grow, negative perceptions and self-doubt can quickly develop after losing a big tennis match or getting fired that can be tough to forget. Those that can quickly learn from mistakes, disregard them, and move on have a clear advantage. But for those of us who have perfectionist tendencies, we seem to remember our mistakes even if we can’t find our car keys…

As an executive coach, a big part of my job is to encourage, support, challenge and persuade my clients (high potential leaders) that there are benefits from taking some small risks. There is usually a lot of debate, resistance, need for research/data, and discussion to gain agreement that taking this risk is worth it. Rightfully so – as we are not 3 year olds. Taking stupid risks or making serious mistakes can cost you your reputation, health, loss of confidence and self-esteem, loss of income and so on. I have coached executives through regaining a damaged image and it is a tough process.

How can we be more like the 3 year olds and increase the amount of risks we take without causing too much destruction? Here are some ideas.

“Race around a small room or in your home.” Ted’s parents let him run loose in one small room. In other words, take small safe steps when making big changes. The goal is to overcome the normal flight or fight response and to make it feel more natural. Or as Frans says in his book the Medici Effect, break it down to the smallest possible step. I was working with a female senior executive who was terrified of being vulnerable with her internal clients. She felt that she would lose power since she was leading a team in which she had organizational knowledge but not technical knowledge. In other words, she knew how to get things done but wasn’t an expert on the content. She felt threatened by her peers who knew more than she did which led her to feel obligated to listen to their lengthy arguments. This left her annoyed and resentful. Eventually, my client accepted that her strategy wasn’t working and we were able to take small steps to increase her influence. We took the first step of helping her to let go of her resentment and realize her talent was on how to get things done within the organization. And, she realized that she could still be confident even though she didn’t know everything. We role played what possibilities this new view would bring to a conversation. My client realized that she could admit if she didn’t know something, and the result was a quicker conversation that ended in agreement. The final step was to try this new approach with a colleague with whom she had some trust. She was able to influence her without a long drawn-out conversation. This gave her confidence to use these techniques with more challenging colleagues. (In chapter two of my book is a step-by-step approach to taking smart risks)
“Race around the room with your parents nearby.” In other words, build a strategic supportive network that you can consult before and after you take risks. Research on the top 5% of people in large global government and businesses conducted by Joel Deluca (from his book, Political Savvy) found that these people participated in two behaviors more frequently than everyone else: they built a wide and strategic network and they took more small risks. The wide and strategic network creates a safety net for taking more risks. This means that there are many people who will give you the benefit of the doubt when you mess up. And, you will mess up… One of the more painful examples of how not having a supportive network impacts results occurs with newly hired senior executives. The challenge for these executives is that they lack the network they had in their previous organizations – which was critical to their success. These lateral hires are much more vulnerable to false negative perceptions which can be formed fairly quickly. For example, I worked with a new female partner in a small law firm who was hired to make the organization more efficient and effective. This executive came in and starting telling people what to do using email as a primary communication medium without taking the time to listen, learns agendas, and build trust. The result was that the lawyers and her boss branded her as insensitive, a poor listener, and a dictator. It takes 4-to-7 consistent positive interactions to change a negative perception. This took about a year of working together to change people’s negative perceptions and build a strong team and relationship with her boss. ( In chapter three of my book there are steps to analyzing your network and building a more strategic network)
“When you bang into that table, cry, and then start racing again.” In other words, you need to learn how to manage your emotions and build a resilient mindset. I have coached many women and they will ask me: how can I not cry or how can I be less sensitive? These are the WRONG questions to ask. The problem is NOT in the crying. The problem is that if you don’t take enough risks, you don’t experience failure that often. The lack of experience with constructive feedback and failure leaves one more vulnerable to experiencing negative emotions that last longer. In other words, your recovery time between losses will take longer. That is why if you want to become a world class tennis player, the strategy to succeed involves playing in numerous tournaments to build your resilience in recovering from losses. And, research shows that women tend to be more emotional than men. This isn’t a negative. Rather, I am advocating that women need to learn how to manage their emotions and this begins with jumping in and taking small risks and messing up! One of my favorite exercises from my book is “Engaging in Safe Activities” (page 37). This involves taking up an activity that you are NOT skilled in such as skiing, chess, or entering a public speaking contest. Success is about challenging yourself to go outside of your comfort zone rather than doing it well. Give yourself credit for just doing the activity, for learning, and congratulate yourself for participating and messing up!

This may seem as if I am advocating making a mess of yourself! Hardly. It takes a lot of courage and confidence to ask for help, try new things, and yes, it is ok to cry if you are disappointed. Just don’t stay there too long. These exercises will get you closer to the resiliency of a 3-year old and possibly to genius ideas…..

Getting Comfortable with the Beginner’s Mindset

kcmayer — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 22:21:19 +0000

I always thought that being a beginner was a stage that you wanted to pass through as quickly as possible unless you are a child. Being a beginner has always been a challenge for me because I think about it from the vantage point of being a competitive athlete. I was a top ranked tennis player in my youth and loved learning new things until I starting winning. Then, I didn’t want to continue to learn because it meant that I would have to take a step back and be a beginner again which meant that I would probably have to lose. Once you get used to winning, who wants to lose? Unfortunately for me, my unwillingness to endure a period of losing, limited my career. I was a top ranked tennis player until age 13/14 and then my ranking fell as a singles player because I was not able to move beyond being my serve and volley game and become a more well-rounded tennis player. Instead, I became an expert doubles player. I became obsessed with perfecting what I was good at rather than adopting a beginner’s mindset of staying curious to the process of learning.

Old habits die slowly. Over the past three decades, I have been striving to attain the beginner’s mindset as defined in the book: Zen Mind, Beginner’s mind by Shunryu Suzuki (this month’s recommended reading), “In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.” Much to my surprise, this mindset of curiosity versus negative judgment was learned while attending the Newfield’s Coach Certification program. As usual I enrolled in this year-long program with a specific goal in mind: to gain certification from the International Coaching Federation, now viewed as one of the most highly coveted qualifications. Given that I am competitive and love to stay on my edge, I wanted to get that degree behind my name! But what I gained was so much more than a certificate. I have moved from being someone who rushed through being a beginner to one who is actually enjoying it. And, this new approach to being a beginner is something that can be used in all aspects of life. My new approach to being a beginner involved dusting off some old pre-and –post tennis match rituals along with some fresh approaches I learned at Newfield.

The three steps to getting comfortable with a beginner mindset include:

Know the environment that you need to help you perform at your best or what I call your performance zone. I need one-on-one coaching to support my learning and help me manage my fears. So, whenever I want to move to the next level or try something new, I engage in private or very small group lessons. My mother taught me this lesson. When I was learning how to play tennis, we were not rich, but my mother felt it would be better to pay for half-hour private lessons than take large group lessons. The one-on-one coaching provides me with the necessary feedback and push I need to get out of my comfort zone. For example, recently I was taking a private lesson on how to ski moguls. As my instructor watched me swoosh around the little bumps, she suggested that it would work better if I would place my skies side-by-side on the top of the mogul and then make a turn. I looked at her and said, “You want me to stand on top of this small hill facing down an even steeper hill and then make a turn?” Yikes is all I could think of. I stiffened up and wasn’t sure this was such a great idea. But, while I was contemplating the rationale for being crazy enough to want to learn bumps at my age, she said – just follow me! So, I thought ok I can do that. But, of course I wimped out and made my own path. Then, we stopped, she looked me in the eyes and said – when I say follow me, I mean stay in my tracks. Sheepishly I accepted her instructions and proceeded to follow her through the moguls. Much to my surprise, I actually stood on top of each mogul and went down them like she did. What I realized is that I need a friendly PUSH in a PRIVATE setting to get me outside of my comfort zone. Once she PUSHED me through my fear, I was able to enjoy and play in the moguls. The key is to know what helps you perform at your best and create an environment that allows you to effortlessly (or without too much discomfort) get out of your comfort zone and into your performance zone.
Develop pre-post rituals to help you feel more confident. As a competitive tennis player, I had very specific steps I would implement before getting on to the court. Most competitive and Olympic athletes adopt such practices. The goal is to help you prepare, get focused, and calm your nerves before a big event. You want to bring your best self and be present during the match. My disciplined practice as a tennis player involved me visualizing playing, managing challenges, and winning! And, between the points, I take a few minutes to move my racquet from the right hand (I am right handed player) to my left hand, visualize the mistake corrected or winning the next point. As an executive coach, I have adopted a pre-post coaching practice which involves several steps: review my client’s notes, look a multicolored prism to remind me that my goal is to help each person bring out their beauty/strengths, listen to fun music or just take a few breaths to get me out of my head and into a playful state and the present moment. After each coaching meeting, I take a few minutes to debrief what went well and what I could do differently next time. I visualize myself doing it better next time and let it go.
Do satisfaction dances. This new practice was taught to me by one of my Newfield coaches. As a perfectionist, we tend to never feel satisfied. We can never be enough. We don’t understand satisfaction. One of the key principles of the Newfield program is that learning happens in the body and you need to integrate the mind, body and emotions. I learned about the emotion – satisfaction. I defined satisfaction to mean that I would set goals everyday and would give myself a little reward when I would achieve them. The reward was to dance to one of my favorite songs for two-to-three minutes. This dancing would begin to tell my mind and emotions – that I have done enough. And, recent neuroscience research has demonstrated that by taking small physical actions for at least 21 days in a row, you form a new habit. This new habit has helped me to bypass the flight to negative thinking and instead create new neural connections that help me go positively and eagerly towards my goal of integrating new techniques into my coaching practice. I am learning how to enjoy being a beginner again!

Upon graduation from the Newfield Coaching program in January 2012, I received a Certificate and a white belt. So, as I look at my white belt very proudly, I realize that I have unlearned the negative bias I had a year ago in regards to being a beginner. My view has changed from constantly striving to reach an ideal of perfection to striving for excellence through setting attainable goals that can be celebrated. This mental shift is more efficient and effective (we perfectionists love these concepts) as a learner because I am more open to experimenting rather than fighting negative thoughts that I can’t do something perfectly after the first or second try. Instead, I celebrate wins and let go of and learn from losses. These little successes encourage me to continue going over moguls until I realize that it is not so scary any longer.

Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind

kcmayer — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 22:19:47 +0000

Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind
by Shunryu Suzuki

I recommend this book because it is short, simple, and brilliant. It is one of those books that you can go back to again and again to read. You can gain nuggets of simple ideas for how to adopt a beginner’s mindset. You can also find enlightenment. It is full of so many amazing little sayings like, ” The point we emphasize is strong confidence in our original nature (as beginners).” Keep this book by your desk whenever you need inspiration!

Why Enjoying (Not Working At) Skiing is My First Goal of 2012

kcmayer — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 17:57:41 +0000

As January approaches, that heavy feeling of the need to set challenging and meaningful goals takes over. I have been setting goals for myself since I was a little girl. My childhood goals focused on winning tennis tournaments and improving my serve. My whole life has been about improving performance, finding and riding my edge. I am like many women, who have perfectionist tendencies and want to do everything well. I am not ready to live without a goal, rather I am daring myself to set the goal of enjoying the skiing experience rather than improving my skiing. Skiing is something that I don’t have to be perfect at. Just good enough to get down the hill safely and enjoy myself. This is my aim for skiing, is to learn how to play, experience the beauty and wonder of winter, fall down, and not take myself so seriously. Where else can you do that?

I didn’t learn to ski until I was 30 years old. Very old by most skiers standards. So, at 50, I am feeling like I am just getting going. I have enough miles on me, that I am feeling confident and loving it! What really transformed my skiing was going to Mermer Blakeslee’s Fear Clinic at Windham mountain in the Catskills for women about 7 years ago. The clinic gave me the technical skills to manage the challenges skiing (in the East especially) presents and to learn to relax and enjoy the sport. That experience led me to start my own women and skiing clinic that incorporates executive coaching. My goal was to help business women learn how to playfully get out of their comfort zones along with improving their skiing. My aim is to provide an experience that teaches women a new way of thinking about taking risks or improving performance in life. I want them to experience a playful and supportive environment that leads to improved performance without the fist in the back and heaviness most of perfectionist types assume is necessary to stay on our edge.

I discovered the teachers for my women-only ski program on a random vacation trip to Aspen in 2005. I was introduced to the DIVAs. They are a group of ski instructors and synchronized ski racers. Yes Ski Divas. My face lit up. I have secretly always wanted to be a ski DIVA. Dreams of skiing like a pro, dressing in pink, strutting my by hard body with the skies thrown over my shoulders, and gorgeous men swooning over me… I thought this is just what stressed-out businesswomen in New York City need!

DIVA was originally used to describe opera stars; the word is now commonly applied to female performers in virtually any medium. This woman is usually perceived as bitchy or self-absorbed, which in some cases they are. But, my new definition focuses on redefining a Diva to a woman who has self-confidence, self-respect, and swagger. She knows who she is and exactly where she is going. Her style and attitude are on point even when she is not trying. People typically gravitate to her because they respect her swagger. The goal in this program is to help women gain insights about themselves and practice in exploring the emotions of playfulness and confidence. This involves looking at your views of the world, your body language, how you talk, and how you ski. You leave this program more playful, proficient in your skiing, and walking with a swagger. Yes you can find your edge and be playful at the same time.

My favorite memory is from my first DIVA program. A successful business woman and I who are both intermediate skiers were working on our technique. We were getting nowhere. The snow was deep and we were getting frustrated. Then, our Ski DIVA instructor told us to raise our poles above our heads and sing while skiing and just feel the snow. Feel the snow. Breathe. And, sing! Well needless to say, people on the slopes near us, starting to give us room. They spread out in a hurry! Then, much to our amazement, we started to ski better. We relaxed, giggled, and the skies seemed to move effortlessly. Who knew?

I realize that it doesn’t seem practical to take off five days to go off and ski with the DIVAS in Aspen. Recently, I attended a networking event for business women in NYC, and left frustrated and depressed. I was trying to entice some successful middle-aged women to join my Aspen ski trip for women in February 2012. As I spoke with the women and asked them if they were interested, here are the replies I heard:

“I only ski with my family.”
“I hurt my (knee, back, foot…), and gave up skiing…”
“It’s cold!”
“I would like to learn about plastic surgery or Botox instead….”

Now that I have turned 50, women’s priorities seemed to have changed. I thought, what is wrong with me? Why am I still skiing at 50? To stay young, playful, and on my game. What makes us old? Being rigid, stuck in the same habits. Lack of play and laughter.

What strikes me about these women’s replies to going on a women-only ski trip is that most successful male skiers will find a way to go skiing without their wives with NO GUILT. But can women do that? Unfortunately, women struggle with this as we want to be perfect and please others. So, if you are setting goals for 2012 and that heavy feeling is sinking in…. Do something BOLD – set a goal to do things that are playful, silly, and frivolous! Select activities that will get you out of your comfort zone, develop your swagger, and put a smile on your face.

In the Yikes! Zone. A conversation with Fear

kcmayer — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 16:24:59 +0000

In the Yikes! Zone. A conversation with Fear

by Mermer Blakeslee

I highly recommend this book to all levels of skiers and nonskiers. It is one of my favorite books. I love to read it every year before ski season. Why? Because Mermer is a beautiful and award winning fiction writer. This book reads like a novel. Second, because she is a brilliant woman and gets me to think differently about skiing. This book will change how you think about skiing. It moved me from skiing about a performance to about a conversation with myself about fear, life, play, and just enjoying the experience!

The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance

kcmayer — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 15:39:34 +0000

The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance

by Elna Baker

The book is a wonderful memoir about a young Mormon woman’s experience in New York who is caught between two incompatible worlds: New York City and the Mormon religion. It is a heartfelt and hilarious account of attempting to live with real religious faith in a world of temptation. I loved it because it made me laugh and helped me learn how to find the humor in the simplest and challenging of situations. It taught me the importance of bringing a light and care to everything we do.

Lean in but lighten up first!

kcmayer — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 15:37:37 +0000

Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook, gave the 2011 commencement address at Barnard women’s college. She had two key messages for the young women: lean in and don’t leave until you leave. Cheryl defines lean in as asserting yourself with strong language and body posture. And, don’t leave until you leave – means that you need to shoot big and go for it rather than opt out at a young age because you might want a family one day. Fortune does favor the bold – so she encourages women to aim high. This advice seems practical but it misses one key point – which is that you need to be likeable and lighten up if you want to take the world by storm. No one wants to work for an overly ambitious, cold, robot!

Why is it so challenging for ambitious women to lighten up? When I worked in investment banking, a retired senior level woman we will call Sally came back to inspire younger women by giving a speech entitled, Lighten up. Sally began her speech with a BIG smile on her face – something I had rarely seen her do while she was employed. Sally realized, very late in her career, that men want to have fun at work. Sally was a working mother of three children and she said that she didn’t think she had time for fun at work nor did she want to appear frivolous. My interpretation of her message is that women appear too serious because we are caught in a double bind: if you are too assertive you are viewed as not feminine and if you are too nice and supportive than you are viewed as not looking and acting like a leader. During Sheryl’s Barnard speech she shared research on leaders which found that men become more likeable as they rise to the top and women become LESS likeable and are judged more harshly than men as they succeed. Sheryl described how she has experienced this personally of being trash talked as she has become more successful. So, how can women navigate this double bind?

Lighten up! Humor is the fastest way to break down barriers and build connections with people. Most of the 40 successful women I interviewed for my book, Collaborative Competition™: A Woman’s Guide to Succeeding by Competing, had a good sense of humor and knew how to use it to build relationships and to resolve challenging situations. My favorite story was how a doctor, Grace, used humor to get a new title. Grace had been promoted to head of a department and received the commensurate money and responsibilities but no title. Grace wanted the title but the boss refused to give it to her. Grace relentlessly asked her boss for the title and finally one day he said, “I will only give you the title if you have a penis!” So, Grace went out and bought a plastic penis and put it on his desk and she was finally given the title!

This example supports what the recent research on the impact of emotions has found that having a sense of humor and lightness about you will increase your power and likeability. Positive emotions have been found to produce patterns of thought that are more flexible, inclusive, creative and receptive and will result in expanded possibilities, including going out and buying that toy penis! So, how can you lighten up and be likeable without appearing too feminine or un-leader like?

What Sheryl didn’t say…. When you examine Sheryl Sandberg’s success more closely, it appears she influences by being likeable and lowering her ego. A recent article in New Yorker magazine (“A Woman’s Place” by Ken Auletta, The New Yorker, July 11 & 18 2011) on Sandberg talks about how many people who work with her attribute Sheryl’s success to her ability to appear comfortable with herself at work and by NOT having to be the front person all the time. She appears comfortable with herself because she shares her guilt for not spending enough time with her children while at the same time sharing her ambitions. In other words, she seems imperfect and struggles with the same double bind like everyone else. This openness about herself demonstrates a confidence that she believes there are possibilities for her without having to know everything and be perfect all the time.

The key to learning how to lighten up is getting comfortable with yourself as an imperfect person and developing what I call the emotion of lighten up.

I am defining lighten up as:

I assume that there are possibilities for me in my career/life
I have the ability to make the right choices most of the time
I believe that you don’t have to be perfect all the time to succeed.
I realize that I don’t know it all and can learn or ask for help when appropriate
I declare that I will not beat myself up, feel guilty, or die if I screw up.
I will do my best to look for the humor or learning in each situation.

This emotion of lighten up is critical as moods and emotions are predispositions to action versus viewing emotions as reactions. The mood or emotion of any conversation is critical to determining its success. The right conversation in the wrong mood or emotion is the wrong conversation. As a leader, you need to show up in a light mood. Research has proven that emotions are contagious!

The path to being in the lighten up emotion more often is to develop a ritual that you can ADD to your serious striving self that will help you take yourself less seriously. These are a few ideas to lighten up that I have found helpful and more information on them can be found in my book.

Develop a resilient attitude. Martin Seligman, a Positive Psychology professor at the University of Pennsylvania and the author of Authentic Happiness, has developed a time tested approach to staying positive even when things aren’t going well. It goes like this: people who make permanent and universal explanations for good events (I am smart) and make temporary and specific explanation for bad events (I didn’t do well on that test because I didn’t get enough sleep), bounce back more quickly from setbacks and get on a roll easily; versus, people who make permanent and universal explanations for setbacks ( I am not smart) and temporary and specific explanations for success (I got an A on that test because I was lucky) tend to collapse under pressure and rarely get on a roll. Try it once a day and see what happens.
Take improvisation classes. Part of the challenge of being a perfectionist or someone who is ambitious is that you tend to live in your mind and you take yourself very seriously. Improvisation has helped me get out of my head and learn useful skills like, “Yes, and,” versus “Yes, but…” and my other favorite is to applaud your mistakes as you make a lot of them in class. ( If you live in NYC, consider signing up for a women’s improvisation group such as Biz Prov. )
Engage in safe activities.Think of an activity that you would try if you didn’t have to worry about losing or looking foolish. For me, I took African dancing for years and I was the worst dancer! What would that look like for you? Belly dancing, skiing, or Zumba? ( page 37 in my book)
Celebrate small accomplishments. This is a new habit that I have added to my repertoire. I do a celebration dance for 2 to 3 minutes on a daily basis when I achieve something small. The idea is to do something that makes you feel good which could include a walk, calling a friend, or meditating for 2 minutes on a consistent basis.
Discover your natural sense of humor. Everyone has a natural style of humor. To help you discover it, there is a simple exercise in my (page 206 in my book ) that involves telling a story to a friendly audience of your choice (friend, child, or partner) and asking them to listen and identify what makes you funny.

If you want to develop a new habit then you need to do it for at least 21 days for as little as 2 to 3 minutes a day. That is what the new research on neuroscience tells us. Take it from one who is a perfectionist in recovery; you can become more playful by doing 2 minute satisfaction dances or by taking an improvisation class. So, my messages to all ambitious women out there – go out and play and have some fun! Yes it will make you a more effective leader and you might even enjoy yourself…..

One Small Step Can Change Your Life

kcmayer — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 03:43:15 +0000

One Small Step Can Change Your Life

by Robert Maurer, Ph.D

“The philosophy is simple: Great change is made through small steps. The techniques, easy, yet all-encompassing: ask small questions; think small thoughts; take small actions; solve small problems. The science, irrefutable: small steps circumvent the brain’s built-in resistance to new behavior. The goal: change your life without fear, without failure. The result: amazing”.

I recommend this book because this approach to change actually works. These techniques have helped me and my coaching clients make noticeable improvements. What I found fascinating is the story behind this strategy that has been around since the 1940s. Dr. Deming, a statistician, who worked on a quliaty control team was instrumental in assisting American manufacturers as they tried to improve during World War II. It was based on the idea that everyone could offer ideas in suggestion boxes that were postioned on factory floors. These little steps added to the brilliant acceleration of America’s manufacturing capcity which ulitmatley helped the Allies win the war! The Japanese now call this Kaizen, small steps for continual improvement. This book is extremely practical and shares simple ways you can use these ideas at work and at home with instant success.